Anonymous said: what are the reasons a mother would not be able to breastfeed her child? i saw that you said you weren't able to breastfeed cyrus, but are able to breastfeed sylvia. i am just curious! no judgment :)

I think there can be many things that can work against someone when it comes to trying to breastfeed. At least for us I know there were many factors.

One, I was a very scared first time mother, so I didn’t do any research that I should have gone out of my way to do. In the same breath though, no information was offered to me at any of my doctors appointments. The classes that I would have liked to have taken were around $200 & I just didn’t have that kind of money to fork over for a class that only lasted a couple of hours.

Two, I gave birth on a Friday & was in the hospital for the weekend. The hospital that I gave birth at didn’t have any lactation specialists who work on weekends, so I was told that I had to wait until Monday, right before I was being discharged, to see someone. When she DID come in & see me, it was only for a few minutes. She basically told me that I had inverted nipples (not true) & then left.

Three, (hopefully I won’t experience any backlash for this) & I hate to say this because it’s my biggest regret & I hate that I had it done, but we had Cyrus circumcised. Some people may not feel that this has nothing to do with breastfeeding, but I believe it effected our breastfeeding journey. He was in pain. Before it was done, he latched fine. Afterwards, he was in pain & would scream if I tried to move him onto my breast. A screaming baby is difficult to feed. Ugh, I’m crying just thinking about it. I wish I had been more informed. I never would have had it done if I had known what I do now.

Four, I had little to no support. I wasn’t here on tumblr & knew no one outside of my mother who breastfed. My mother & Rob were cheering me on, but I was so scared of Cyrus & had no one who had been going through the same things as me at the same time. If I had a big group of mothers surrounding me & offering up advice, I think I could have persevered.

Five, I had PPD really bad. When Cyrus slept, I’d sit in the corner of the bathroom & cry uncontrollably. We left the hospital with Cyrus on Monday, & by Thursday I was in the ER talking to a psychiatric nurse. We left that night, with a therapist appointment, but they wanted to admit me to a facility as an outpatient, & I wouldn’t have it.

This all was really difficult to type out. I still regret a lot of it. I wish I had had people to talk to, I wish I had been in a better state of mind. It kills me that I don’t have the ability to go back & change things.

Mobile.

Well, she’s mobile. Sort of. She’s super slow going & timid. & she’s chosen to crawl like Gollum; on hands, one foot, & one knee.

Cyrus saw me looking at engagement rings on Etsy & asked me about them. He started crying, saying that he wanted a ring & to get married. So, long story short, we’re getting married, & he is very excited.

I was looking forward to getting away & being able fly or road trip out to Seattle & Portland in October, but now that’s not happening & to say that I’m devastated would be pretty accurate. I’m tired of my father stopping us from taking the necessary steps towards moving every chance he gets. I am so fed up.

I feel broken.

What it’s really like to live with a pug.

(Source: princess-rabbits, via mamagetssfit)

She is seriously so close to crawling, but she’d much rather roll around & butt scoot a bit. Or pull up to stand.

Like, she’ll lean forward & get on her hands & one knee & one foot, & looks at me like “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do it!” & then she pushes herself back to sitting.

Audible sigh.

lauralittlex:

i want people to know i’m struggling but i don’t want people to know i’m struggling do you see my problem

(via thebarefootrebel)

We took the kiddos to the Maritime Aquarium in CT today to celebrate our anniversary. Cyrus ran around too quickly for me to get any proper photos of him, but Sylvia was just a doll.

So, I’m going to buy this book, get really good, buy an electric ukulele, then hook it up to all of Rob’s guitar pedals & play some metal Bach on the uke. Sound good? Yep. 

Eyeliner is symmetrical & sharp, just the way I like it.

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